Suite Dreams: Claridge's Hotel, London by Devanshi Mody
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Suites for my sweet: The hot favourite with honeymooners, however, seems to be Claridge's recently refurbished, sexified art décor Linley suite, pleasingly upholstered in blue and white. The walk-in wardrobes are larger than most London flats and they should be for the bed is bigger than a small country – I suppose, just in case you’re bringing along an entire harem on honeymoon.
If that be the case then best opt for the beautifully immense Brook Penthouse Suite which is pink and contemporary whilst the Davis suite exudes quaint charm. But should a ménage-a-cent constitute a crowd then the lyrically lovely piano suites (212 is marvellous) will suit a conjugal set-up restricted to two play mates.
The Bard says, “If music be the food of love, play on…” Newly-wed wives please note that the piano seems casually installed in your suite but we believe it was actually put there with the worthy aim of enabling you to initiate immediately the training of your men: to dance to your tune, bien sure.
Bonding & Bondage: Marriage to some is a bond, to others it is even bondage (whether or not enjoyable is no doubt a matter of personal predilection). Assembling the bridal wedding trousseau can certainly be bondage. That is, if one slavishly follows fashions. And one must.
We cannot recommend M&S (Marks & Spencer) or even S&M (whatever that may or may not be). Daddy will no doubt sell some hearty bonds to sponsor your extravagances on Bond Street. Countless shopping expeditions are envisaged for the wedding band, jewels, wedding dress, jewels, shoes, jewels, accessories, jewels, lingerie, jewels… jewels…. jewels…
Fortunately, Claridge’s is lavishly located not just in the very heart of Mayfair but also a heartbeat away from London’s most luxurious shopping stretch. Now isn’t this considerate of the hotel? Such convenience of situation facilitates shopping to your heart’s content. Of course, we hope you also do lots of other things to your heart’s content.
The Bridal Shower: Having cold feet about the big day? Take a hot shower in the marble-floored bathrooms that come with luxury Asprey toiletries slenderly bottled. If on honey-moon, the enormous overhead shower thunders down headily, even hedonistically. And should the loved one give you the cold shoulder, never mind: things can get rather steamy when you turn on the shoulder shower. Will leave you feeling hot, hot, hot… with or without your better half.
Spa-ma Sutra: After hectic wedding shopping or conjugal acrobatic feats leave you’ll require a vigorous massage from the Claridge’s specialist Thai masseuse Kanika Parker. She has the right touch. And oh what moves! Ah, after you have gone through all that trouble to tie the knot, the masseuse undoes the knots.
Knot to worry wives if your husbands, like Mick Jagger or Arabian royals, have a penchant for Thai massages, for this particular masseuse has none of the wiles of a wicked woman. With the little old Buddhist lady, husbands are in safe hands whilst wives get their faces done.
Game, Set, Match: I don’t know if yours is a match made in heaven but the Claridge’s afternoon tea certainly is heavenly replete with the most divine sandwiches and pastries whilst their scones are haloed, or did I imagine that? Tea time at Claride’s might get paradisiacal when they launch their lawn tennis teas for Wimbledon this season.
Shaken Not Stirred: The Fumoir is arguably London’s most romantic lounge-bar. In this lush little cocoon of lilacs and pinks snuggle up over Dampierre rose and dainty finger food. But if you have just thrown a party in your suite (it would be criminal not to throw a party in those magnificent Claride’s suites) and you want to head somewhere rather happening then the main bar at Clardige’s pulsates until 2.00 am with London’s elite.
This is the place to see and be seen, unless you’re stuffing your face behind a mountain of gorgeous chocolate fudge and sinfully rich butter biscuits. Mmm… but better get a grip on those love handles.
Breakfast in Bed: Is more romantic unless you prefer live entertainment downstairs like a cavalcade of coffee, croissants or cutlery that might pour or plonk down on you. And whilst hot honeymoons smoulder with burning passions, burnt toast might not always have partaken of a traditional wedding toast. Although it’s gently diverting when the waiter extracts the bread, puts it behind his back and strides across the packed breakfast room with it…
London will love legendary Claridge’s forever. One classy lassy when asked what she would do had she but 24 hours to live exclaimed without hesitation, “I’d check into a Claridge’s suite!”
Supper Ce Soir: Feast on the tres romantique ambiance of the ever green, enrapturing Reading Room. It isn’t unusual for an elderly couple to explode into spontaneous dancing transported by the live piano music. Or perhaps love is in the air. The service metamorphoses into the suavely attentive by evening. And take heart that you will be chouchoute by the general manager, M Le Boeuf, un vrai amour. His flamboyant sense of savoir-faire has imparted French chic to the classic English institution and he manages to wow and woo the world’s who’s who.
Victoria’s Secret: I am not referring to lingerie. I mean, Victoria and David Beckham, like many other celebrities, are frequently spotted slinking in an out of the hotel. No big secret about their love affair with Claridge’s. And it certainly is no secret that husbands would wish that the wearing and baring of lace and satin be incorporated within the purlieus of marriage wows. No strings attached!
Claridge’s & Carriages: The grand ball room at Claridge’s has hosted many a fairytale wedding and the grand staircase has inspired many a wedding photo. When I first ran down it I almost felt like Cinderella, not least because I was silver-slippered. If looking for a husband it is perhaps not unadvisable to conveniently let slip a slipper on the fabled stairs. Plenty of princes (charming or not we leave you to decide) pervade these prestigious precincts. But kiss them not, lest they turn into pumpkins at midnight.
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