Spa-ctacular: A Guide to the Best Spas in London by Devanshi Mody
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You wouldn’t have thought that London is a spa destination. Spas evoke languid languishing in far-flung exotic destinations. However, the frenzied pace of life in London together with the British penchant for, well, languishing, has seen the city assailed by not a few newfangled spas. Indeed, given the soaring stress levels over the recession spas are going fuller than usual. Never mind that the newspapers headline, “Heat or Eat.” If they can’t have bread let them back massages seems to be the order of the day.
One of the most amusing aspects of the recession seems to be the rise in number of male clientele at London spas. Indeed, a woman might find herself the only one of her sex in the spa’s relaxation room surrounded by snoring men, yes... One would assume unemployed men, for who else has the luxury to lavish a few hours on a Wednesday afternoon to snooze at a spa? With what money they afford those generally over GBP 100 sessions we leave to your imagination. Well, men have always liked been pampered. But curiously, it isn’t the massages they mostly come for but facials. Yes. “Vanity of Vanities, all is Vanity.”
As for the best of London spas. I Spa with my little eye:
Glamorous New Openings
The Dorchester Spa: Deep “Dorchester Blue” corridors open into the swankest spa in the city. I deem spas a professional hazard. But I must avow that I tore myself wretchedly from this effusion of pearl-hued interiors including a chandelier comprising 72,000 pearls and lavish opalescent upholstery. Indeed, this is the first spa to make London into a “spa destination” and has proved a super hit with the super rich since its glamorous inception over the London summer.
With treatments that might hit GBP 200 this super sexy spa is the prerogative of those for whom luxury is a necessity. Expect a manicure/pedicure room resplendently embellished with nail polish bottles, an ultra zen relaxation room and sensational bathrooms bigger than most London apartments.
The attention to detail is rather unprecedented in city spa history. One of the most delicious features of this new spa is the elegant Spatisserie with a specially conceived spa patisseries and menu including tea, cake, chocolate etc etc. Melt into extraordinary therapy beds in space-age treatments rooms and prepare for pampered transport. Book with Rebecca Perry who has the softest hands and the most exceptional technique. Her wonderful humour will entertain you over the long, signature Kerstin Florian caviar treatment. I enquire if steaming dissipates fat. She quips, “If that were so, I’d keep my body under the steamer all day…”
Annick Goutal Spa: Descend to the depths of decadence at this new one-suite basement spa in Belgravia, London’s most exclusive address. Expect French flair incarnate. Not to mention French savoir-faire. The spa specialises in unique all-rose facials where every application contains rose, including an exfoliator made of crushed rose thorns. The Paris-trained Japanese therapist Naomi Pinkdia executes exquisitely the ravishing facial whilst manager Asta Stravinskaite’s tongue-in-cheek pronouncements divert. The fanciful abode in shades of soft pink recreates a boudoir and comes with its own lingerie section whose lace and satin numbers entice dangerously. Undress to kill! Fortunately or unfortunately, so far no male has been spotted at this oof-so-chic spa.
Carol Joy Spa: The slick black interiors upholstered in off-white velvet is very suave and svelte. The spa also boasts enormous en-suite bathrooms although one wonders why as they do not always stock anything, not even toiletries, towel or bathrobe. But it doesn’t matter when London’s best masseuse, an expert Cypriot, does you perfect pressure-point massages. For those of you who prefer something more precious than even the Midas touch, carol Joy’s speciality is products made with diamond dust. The spa manager promises you haven’t lived until you have tried it and assures, in good faith, that you will not die once you have. Apparently the diamond dust imparts some sort of immortality to one’s skin...
Classic London Favorites
Lanesborough Spa: This spa at the iconic Lanesborough Hotel that looms over Hyde park is surprisingly London’s best kept secret. After all, it is one of the best spas in London and one of the best in the world. It’s so good that Cypriot tycoons (yes, gentlemen, and rather elderly ones at that…) fly into London on a regular basis just for an appointment at the hotel’s spa. One of their specialities is the spa suite for couples. But lest the loved one be lissom it might be a tight squeeze in the glitzy, sizzling sauna. This is just the place if you want to feel hot, hot, hot in the London cold.
With just two luxury treatment rooms, the spa can get quickly booked up. So you might need to ensure you book your stay in London to coincide with availability. Especially if you want your skin looking tres glam, in which case you must ask for Vicki who does the best facials EVER. But ensure you have two hours because the exclusive and personalised treatments can be long and lavish, especially if you throw in a sensuous massage. But ladies beware that your beaux doesn’t get too addicted to the lovely Vicki’s tender touch. In which case you can always abscond with the Cypriot tycoon…
The Claridges Spa: The legendary Claridges Hotel is very conveniently located just off Bond Street, perhaps London’s most celebrated shopping areas. The hotel is also fabled for hosting weddings, amongst them not a few famous ones. If you are in London to marry or to shop then after a hectic shopping spree or conjugal acrobatic feats you might require a vigorous massage from the Claridge’s specialist Thai masseuse Kanika Parker. She has the right touch. And oh what moves!
Ah, after you have gone through all that trouble to tie the knot, the oriental masseuse undoes the knots… He loves me, he loves me knot? Knot to worry wives if your husbands, like Mick Jagger or Arabian royals, have a penchant for Thai massages for this particular masseuse has none of the wiles of a wicked woman. With the little old Buddhist lady, husbands are in safe hands whilst wives get their faces done. Victoria Beckham needn’t worry allowing husband David Beckham his spa sessions here.
The Mayfair Hotel Spa: The spa in the trendy hotel, a favourite with Paris Hilton, is almost always sold out, like the hotel itself, and has more men than women these days who come for rejuvenating algae facials. The therapist reveal the men have become very vane but they plead with therapists, “It must NOT look like I’ve had a facial…” Nevertheless, apparently the men are much more agonised about the slightest spot or pimple than women are... The sultry relaxation room is full of snoring men watched over by placid Buddhas.
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