San Ysidro Ranch by John Borthwick

John F. Kennedy spent his honeymoon at San Ysidro Ranch in 1953 — with Jackie, even. Vivien Leigh and Laurence Olivier were married here at midnight under a flowery archway in its Wedding Garden. Winston Churchill stayed, as did Somerset Maugham who liked to write on the terrace of Geranium Cottage. Aldous Huxley, Katherine Hepburn and Bing Crosby also did their share of California dreaming here.

You'll notice that most of these luminaries are now permanent guests of Club Dead. That's how we know that they once stayed at the San Ysidro Ranch in Santa Barbara, California. The ranch is so discrete about its guest list that the unofficial motto is, “If they're still alive, they haven't stayed here.”

Notwithstanding this code of silence, local scuttlebutt says that Mick Jagger and plenty of others known to be rich and shameless, and still alive, also patronise this 220-hectare retreat. Gazing around the San Ysidro Ranch's cottages, rose beds, herb gardens and tranquility; it's easy to see why. The famous but frazzled must surely find here — ironically, in a hotel — what is missing from the besieged fortresses of excess they call 'home'. Perhaps it is the quality of simplicity.

Nestled in the foothills of the Santa Ynez Mountains, five minutes out of Santa Barbara and 150 kilometres north of Los Angeles, the San Ysidro Ranch has 45 rooms, suites and cottages. It is named after Saint Isadore, patron saint of shepherds, not too many of whom can currently afford a room at their patron's namesake inn.

Early records show the Ranch was a way station for Spanish monks travelling to nearby Mission Santa Barbara in the late 1700's. Later, in 1883, it became a citrus farm, and finally in 1893 a holiday destination for the wealthy passengers of the East Coast carriage trade. Hollywood came to the Ranch in 1935 when it was sold to actor Ronald Colman, who turned it into an exclusive hideaway for his celebrity friends. Bing, Jack Benny, Groucho Marx and Gloria Swanson were among the clientele.

At San Ysidro Ranch a cottage is a cottage, not a three-storey villa or half a condo. The rooms are generous, not gianormous, with exposed beams and white walls; a four poster bed with fathom-deep pillows lulls you into a verifiable sense of security; the scatter rugs are Persian (these sorts of guests don't nick the fittings); the paintings on the wall are originals and tasteful; at your door there's a stack of cut logs for the open fireplace, and your name is carved there on a shingle.

Each cottage is named for its botanical surroundings - Acacia, Geranium, Rose, and so on. Ten have outdoor jacuzzis, and all feature wide porches, most of which in turn feature views of the wide Pacific. Novelist Sinclair Lewis used to hide with his typewriter in the darkest corner of Oak Cottage in order to avoid the distraction of the view. Maugham, on the other hand, delighted in it.

This wouldn't be California without a swimming pool and a couple of tennis courts. But what's special at the San Ysidro are its stables, with 15 horses for trail rides into the canyons of the Santa Ynez Mountains. If you're not a rider there's a network of walking trails that leads to natural hot springs and the wilderness of Los Padres National Forest.

Predictably, the Ranch's mess doesn't serve just any old grub. Its acclaimed Stonehouse Restaurant features California Provincial cuisine, combining elements of farm, Bayou and range cooking. Fresh seasonal ingredients are served with vegetables and herbs straight from the ranch's gardens. Long ago, author John Galsworthy, after an extended visit to San Ysidro Ranch, wrote, “The loveliness of these evenings moves the heart; and of the morning, shining, cool, fragrant. Well may it be sainted - San Ysidro.” He spoke the truth. It's the sort of place in which one wants to close the gate, turn off the century, and like John Kennedy did, just say, “No calls, please.”