Fort William by Simon Heptinstall

The highest annual rainfall in Britain, the biggest supermarket in the Highlands, and a busy new bypass running along the historic waterfront... Fort William’s highlights don’t sound promising. There isn’t even a Fort.

Nevertheless this wet and windy West Highland town gets a huge slice of world attention because it has played host to so many blockbuster films like Local Hero, Rob Roy and Braveheart.

And in the Harry Potter films, the Quidditch Match was filmed in Glen Nevis just outside Fort William, and around pupils from Fort William High School were also seen waving from the Hogwarts Express (alias The Jacobite Steam Train).

It’s famous, it’s well-publicised and it has been a major British tourist destination for more than a century. But none of that success is due to Fort William’s great attractions – there aren’t any - it’s because of its amazing location.

Fort William stands right at the foot of Britain’s highest mountain Ben Nevis, alongside the towering flight of eight locks from the Caledonian canal down to sea level, and at the point where the scenic Loch Linnhe meets Loch Eil and the River Lochy.

This fabulous spot means that you can spot snowy mountains from the middle of the High Street and can see lochs in the gap between the chippie and the Post Office. Drive through modern housing estates on the edge of town and the wide, well-lit road suddenly becomes a single-track mountain track as you pass the last front door.

World class attractions like Loch Ness, Castle Urquhart, the Glenfinnan Monument and Glencoe, with its new £3 million visitor centre, are within a short drive. But Fort William itself has never been seen as more than a rather dour place to stop to buy a box of souvenir shortbread.

The main undiscovered treasure in the town is the West Highland Museum, which has a quirky collection of historic artefacts including the world’s oldest bagpipes and a ‘secret’ portrait of Bonnie Prince Charlie. At a time when a real portrait would have landed his Jacobite supporters in serious trouble, this is apparently a tray covered with random squiggles of paint. If you look at a reflection in the curve of a shiny goblet however the squiggles transform into a perfect likeness.

On the outskirts of town there’s a whisky distillery that gives tours and a geological museum called Treasures of the Earth. In the summer there are boat trips on the Loch, walks up the series of canal locks called Neptune’s Staircase recently voted the best in Britain, and the exciting ski lift up the slopes of Ben Nevis.

These dramatic slopes play host to one of Britain’s most spectacular sporting events each Spring, when the Mountain Biking World Cup competitors hurtle down the almost vertical mountain side for almost two miles. Thousands turn up to watch the inevitable dramatic spills.

But what of ‘Fort Bill’ itself? Most visitors never get over the disappointment of finding the 17th-century fort of the town’s name is now just a flattened ruin alongside a huge Safeway and the historic quayside is lost behind a badly placed modern bypass.

I’d previously passed through a few times on my way to somewhere else in the Highlands – and never bothered to stop. Then last month I heard of a new guided tour given by a hard-nosed newspaper journalist who has spent most of his life uncovering the town’s biggest secrets and stories. Ian Abernethy promises his two-hour walk will “go beyond the guidebook”.

When I went to meet him he explained: “I’m not doing this for the money. I’m proud of my town, and I love sharing its history, heritage and humour with people.”

We met at the Tourist Office and set off along the main street. I soon heard how the late King Hussein of Jordan stayed in Fort William... and took his Queen to the town’s little cinema to watch Batman; how Lib-Dem leader Charles Kennedy used to work as a barman in the Volunteer Arms; and how AB-Fab TV star Joanna Lumley got married in the modern registry office and then got mobbed by local fans outside Tesco’s opposite.

Ian, who was born and raised in Fort William, also peppers the tour with colourful historical anecdotes. As we reached a square in the town centre he told me that when the newly-formed Cameron Highlanders regiment assembled here they couldn’t tell left from right. Officers tied hay onto the men’s left boots and straw onto the right boots and marched them through the town to the shout of “Hay, straw, hay, straw...”

I also heard stories featuring big name visitors including David Niven, Bo Derek, Mel Gibson, Hitler’s deputy Rudolph Hess, Burt Lancaster and Liam Neeson.

Like many journalists, Ian works from a cupboard-like office piled high with old newspapers and used coffee cups. His is just off the High Street and means he knows everyone passing. As we walked on the tour it seemed every other person stopped to chat, comment on one of his stories in the Lochaber News or joke to me: “Don’t believe a word he says – it’s all made up!”

In the short stretch of Fort William High Street Ian introduced me to the head of the local police, the chief of the Cameron Clan, and Ian and Mary, parents of former Lib-Dem leader Charles Kennedy, who live nearby.

Ian told me that one Saturday night when Charles was a student politician his parents had an urgent phone call at home for him from former Tory Prime Minister Sir Alec Douglas Hume. Charles’ mum said “You can get him at work.” But when the public pay phone in the Volunteer Arms rang a tipsy local answered it... then shouted across the crowded pub to the young barman: “Hey Charlie! There’s some bloke here pretending to be Sir Alec Douglas Hume!”

And the best story was from Ian’s own memory. When he was a small boy the grand gothic Alexandra Hotel over looking the green caught fire and he rushed to see the flames. The onlookers were organised into a human chain and Ian was excited to join in. But instead of fetching water to tackle the blaze, as he’d expected, the chain was used to take all the bottles of whisky from the hotel bar and put them into the church next door for safe keeping.