Amari Watergate Hotel by Anthony Healy

The real horror of the Amari Watergate in Bangkok is that you can't escape it. You can't go anywhere else. You can't eat anywhere else. If you’re unfortunate enough, you’ll find the Amari on Petchburi Road. The location doesn't seem bad, until you factor in the Bangkok traffic. A ten-minute drive can take two hours in Bangkok, so a round-trip to a restaurant in the evening can mean four hours stuck in traffic. Still want to go out?

This wouldn’t be such a catastrophe if the food in the hotel were good. It isn’t. If you’re stranded at the Amari you’ll have plenty of time to discover the International Cuisine Restaurant on the mezzanine floor. The restaurant has "food from around the world" and yet it all tastes exactly the same. After a few visits the joke starts to wear thin.

There are, of course, alternatives. However the gentleman in the Italian restaurant should have had the decency to put a mask on as I paid my bill - I thought I was buying a part of his company and at those prices, I should have been. And the American style burger bar in the basement is great if you like burgers and non-stop coverage of American sport, which plays continuously on the bar’s loud and innumerable TVs. Personally, I can only eat so many burgers and club sandwiches in any one week.

The Amari is vast, built to the highest specifications, without a scintilla of imagination or care. It is a five-star monstrosity, with all the character of a paper cup. I can't imagine that there is a large international hotel anywhere in the world that's as bad as the Amari. The view of Bangkok from the "Executive" lounge on the top floor is great. But what a price you pay. And I'm not talking about the tariff.